There are still 'those days'

I still have 'those days'. six years later.
Those days when i'll be at my desk at work and my eyes start to tear up.
Those days when I  get to actually get out and drive a truck and my mind wanders and a tear runs down my cheek.
Those days when I look at my kids and ask why they never got to get to know their brother.
Those days when the tears are just too close to the surface.

Most nights I carry both kids in my arms up the stairs to bed. Yes, they're getting heavy, but at six years old and only 30 pounds a piece, it's easily doable. They usually ask "how would you carry Eric if he were here?" I'd find a way.

I'd find a way.

I'd find the energy to give Little Eric the same timeand attention the other kids get.
I'd find the time to bathe 3 six year olds.
I'd find time to do homework with 3 kindergarteners.
I'd ENJOY feeling overwhelmed at times with 3 toddlers.
I'd love to be referee between my sonS and my daughter.
I'd love for people to tell me that they can't tell which boy is which.


I'd love to see Levi and Vivian be able to hug their brother.