A little insight on my thoughts...

I htink about Eric a lot. I think about others that have passed but he is always top of my thoughts. I wonder how he is, if he is growing alongside the kids or if he stays a baby in heaven, which I have always taught the kids that he is growing with them, that he is the same age as them.

Early mornings are my time. I love to awaken even as early as 2:30 am. In those times, as I prepare dinner for the night, or even just sit quietly on the computer or watching TV, I think. I think about to-do lists, I think about futures, I think about what is going on in life, and I think about Eric often. Many times that is in the form of even just a fleeting wish that I wasn't able to sit quietly, that I were holding Eric or too tired to awaken due to caring for 3 little ones instead of only two.

So I've been listening to a intuitive on Sirius radio for the last few months since I bought my new van. I've thought about calling in, thought of things I'd like to hear validated. And honestly I believe that certain people have heightened senses, but I do not believe just anyone. And I have always believed that kids can have heightened senses but that as they grow they lose that innocence and push those things aside because *mostly* the world doesn't approve of such things.

So I called Mary Occhino's radio show today. Levi awoke while I was on hold, was uncommonly calm and came down to sit with me. He sat on my lap and waited on hold.

When they answered the phone they asked only 'what is your question'. I said "I want to know if my son is near me." they repeated the question and I said "yes, he has passed away." And I was put on hold.

When Mary answered, and I told her that my son had passed and I wanted to know if he were close to me. Remember: she had no information. No names, no age, no anything. She said 'who is edward?, or an "E"?. I still gave little information; I said we have E's in the family. I told her that he was born as part of a set of three. She said 'you have triplets!' *HAVE, not HAD!!* I said yes, he and his brother Levi are identical twins. She said 'this is why you were on hold so long, I was meditating on this and I kept getting E's and L's, I couldn't pinpoint which one.' She went on to say that he is light haired (yes), and that he is close to his brother, that they share DNA and although are not the same person, they share a soul. That they are one. (this in itself is a phrase that means a HUGE amount to me in my daily life, and NOBODY knows how so) Then she says 'why are Levi's pockets full of candy canes?' I said something about Levi always collecting things…

So the call went on for a few minutes. It morphed from my original question of “is my son near me” to what is admittedly my bigger question, “Is he near US, and of course Levi especially.”

She talked of Levi, I said something about his asperger-type symptoms, she said he is high functioning and very intelligent (yes) that he doesn’t like loud noise (yes) and wants to control his world insomuch as he dislikes change in his routine or his area (yes) She said he is a very funny kid (absolutely) and she said he is always collecting extra things so he can give them to his brother (Levi sends balloons to heaven every time he gets them, he picks out little gifts to take to Eric’s grave, and he always makes sure to get one for him, one for Vivian and yes, sometimes, one for Eric of everything.) At the end she wanted to make sure that we tell the kids about Eric and that he is in heaven. (yes, always)

End result is: She knew many things I never gave info about. She saw my son near me, and that resulted in a peaceful start to my day.

That is, after all, what I wonder the most: Is he OK, does he know how much we love and miss him?

I believe he does.

© erikalandon2009

1 comment:

Jessica said...

I'm so glad I came across your blog, I needed to read this post. I lost one of my triplets two years ago and wonder the same questions as you. To know that my daughter is close to us each day as your son is to you makes it easier to get through the tough days.