Eric Scott Landon, Jr. 10-15-2003 - 11-12-2003

The first time I held you in my arms I also held so much hope:

Hope.

That you and your brother and sister would run through my house and drive me crazy (times three) for the next 18 years or so.

That you and Levi would get to play pranks on everyone to see who could tell you apart.

That you and all of your brothers and sisters could grow up happy and know the love of a large family.

That I would soon learn if yours and Levi's hair was going to stay as red as the fuzz on your heads at birth.

That one day I would be able to hear you speak, see you walk and teach you to ride a bike.

The first time I held you in my arms I also held so much hope... Hope that the doctors were wrong, and that the first time I held you was not also going to be the last...

But it was the last. I held you and had to let you go. I know you're whole now, I know you're watching over us. I hope you know how much I love you. How much I miss you. How much I wish you were here.

I love you Little Eric, my angel in Heven. I love you and miss you so much... One month was just not enough.
Love, Momma

Mom
© erikalandon 2011

Look, Ma! No training wheels!!

After work yesterday, as I was finishing the last of the detail on the van, Levi asked if we could go for a bike ride. Vivian was at gymnastics, and we had a little time, and after all, I'm always up for a bike ride... So heck yeah!

Levi and I rode to the corner store, he wanted a root beer. I rode the Zigo minus the child pod, and he rode his Glider, he's so fast on the glider, he keeps up with and outrides Vivian most of the time... We had a great, albeit short, ride, and even stopped by the local "haunted House". Hehe, this is a house just a street down from us that has been vacant for quite a while, and Levi is convinced that it is haunted! Then we rode home. The Glider has taught Levi to balance without him needing to learn how to pedal. Along with the glider, he has used a power pumper up until last summer when we passed it on to another kid that could use it, and also riden his "Green Machine" since getting it for Christmas, so he's been practicing the pedaling!

So, after our bike ride, we rode in front of the house. I talked to him about how well he was balancing, and asked if he was ready to try his Hot Wheels pedal bike. 'We'll just take one training wheel off, k Bud?'. He was a bit nervous. He didn;t want to try it because the neighbor kid was outside with his buddy. But he did it.

And, for the last time, with the youngest of my children, I got to run beside him until he was confident enough for me to let go of his bike. Looking back now, it's so bittersweet. Ahhh. the last time, really?? Is this happening? They're all growing up! Brings tears to my eyes as I write it...

But, thanks to all his hard work on the glider, in Occupational and Physical therapy, thanks to all his determination, my youngest boy, my little Levi, in all of less than five minutes, had his training wheels both off, and now

Is riding a two-wheeler all by himself!!!

OK, OK, I keep holding the camera at the wrong orientation when I tape videos - just hold your head sideways for a couple seconds, and I promise to do better next time, LOL!

He says it's a Birthday present for me! (Aww, Bud, that's the BEST present in the world! ) And the last thing I heard as he drifted off to sleep... "Momma, I'm so glad I can ride a pedal bike!"
Erika
© erikalandon 2011

Cars 2 3D... Yes!!

After work last night, Vivian, Levi and I caught opening day of Cars 2 in 3D!!

I was a bit trepidatious - The kids have only been in a movie theater twice. With Levi's SPD, he usually has a hard time with loud noises.

But - we bought tickets from Fandango , got a large popcorn and a large soda (which is a big treat fro Levi and Vivian since I don't give them soda except once in a blue moon...

3D glasses in hand, we sat down to watch the movie. The theater wasn't very full, so it was perfect for the kids to be comfortable and enjoy the movie. The oooh's and ahhh's as they got the full effect of the 3D was so amazing to hear.

All-in-all, we enjoyed the movie, and will add it to the collection of movies in our DVD drawer! If we're able to drive down to see Grampa this year that'll surely be a favorite movie to watch on the ride!

Erika
© erikalandon 2010

We made it almost ten years. This Fathers day would have been 10 years since Eric and I started dating. The house is a bit quieter, yet much more calm.

The calm before the storm?

I'm not sure yet. Levi and Vivian are handling things pretty well. We talked about thinking about it like 'Daddy's on the truck and he'll be home this weekend.' He didn't usually have runs THAT long, usually it was only 3 days, but the idea seems to be working.

Will they get used to him not being home?

Occasionally one of the little one's will ask about daddy. They want to see him. I want them to see him. Levi wonders why Daddy isn't there to play basketball anymore. Yeah - that one breaks my heart a bit...

Will he eventually stop asking that?

The things I worry about pale in comparison to what I worry about for the kids’ sake… I can handle the bills. I can handle the running and always-on-the-go-for-the-kids single parenthood.

Will they think it’s their fault?

I have a couple books on the way. One for them, suggested by a friend who has gone through a divorce with her two young kids. When Dinosaurs Divorce arrives I actually look forward to reading it with the kids. I hope they are able to ask the questions that are on their minds. And when Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way arrives I hope it will help me find the answers that are on my mind.

Will the books help?

And Megan, she celebrated her 7th birthday the year Eric and I started dating, it was the first birthday she celebrated with him. Next month, when she turns 17, she will celebrate the first birthday in 10 years without her step-dad in the house. She should be excited for Summer to begin. She should be excited for her Senior year of High School. But she’s worried. Worried we’ll have to move. Worried that her little brother and sister are going to go through what her and her older brother went through when their dad and I divorced.

Will I be able effectively ease her fears?

There's lots of questions, lots to take care of, lots to do. But we're resilient, we're strong, we're able...

Divorce just sucks.

Erika
© erikalandon 2010

When is it okay to lie? Words from a couple seven-year-olds...

On the way home from gymnastics we have the greatest conversations...

Levi is a story teller like his Daddy. He loves to embellish his stories. So, routinely I will listen to a story and then ask "Levi, if I were to ask someone that was there with you, would the story still be the same?" Ultimately he will come clean.
And that was how it started on the way home...

"mom, I saw 8 rabbits at the park today!"

"really, wow! Would Daddy tell me the same number if I asked him about the rabbits?"

"well, I saw ONE, but it was really cute!!"

"nice!"

then, contemplatively quiet from Vivian..."there's only some times that it is okay to lie"

Really? When viv?

well, like if your friend is missing and you know something you can lie and say you don't... (isn't that backwards?)

Levi pipes in - You mean if your friend gets kidnapped and you see it happen and the bad guy says "don't tell anyone!" you can say you won't and then get away and tell a grown up so they can find your friend.

I like your idea better, Levi... AND I love that you and your sister can work together to finish each others' thoughts and navigate this world!!



Erika
© erikalandon 2010

She's. Just. Like. You.

I look across the gym. She's bouncing, bopping and running.

Just like all the other girls.

Some are younger, yet taller, than she, but not by far.

Some are older and more experienced at the gymnastics moves that she is trying to master. But she's working hard to be as good as those that she looks up to...

Just like all the other girls.

I watch as she stands in line, waiting her turn on the uneven bars for practice.

Just like all the other girls.

The girl in front of her is twirling and bouncing; just. like. her.

Until she turns around. Then the girl notice's it. To us, it's a badge of honor. She went through so much for it to be JUST a scar. It's barely there. But her teammate noticed it.

I kept a watchful mommy eye on the two. The girl looked and cocked her head a bit; leaned in a little closer. She turned around. Then looked back at the scar again. Then IT happened.

The part of Vivian's day that she talks about at night. The part that bothers her.

She asked: "what is that?"

I couldn't tell what Vivian said, and I did not ask later. She'll tell me if she needs to. I don't know if she told her it's a trach scar, or if she told her the latest suggestion that my mommy-mind gave her, simply that she had surgery there. But whatever she told her, her teammate turned her attention back to the bars and the girl there practicing.

I wanted to scream. "Why even ask? Why does it matter? It's a badge of honor - this little girl of mine went through so much to stand here and TALK!! Just leave it alone!!"  Everyone wants to know why she talks funny. Why she has the scars. Why she screams like that. Geeze - they told me for three years that she would NEVER talk. NEVER!! Her voice is beautiful, she loves her dolls, she rides a bike and practices her gymnastics even at home...

She's just a little girl. Just. Like. You!

Erika
© erikalandon 2010

Mothers Day - bittersweet always when one is missing...

Levi made the coolest card - opens up to be a duck!! Vivian made all sorts of pictures and cards for me, and both the little one's made crowns for Momma to wear!!!

Mothers Day. I love my kids. I want to spend every moment with them that I can. I miss them every moment that I am at work. I am so lucky to be the mother of 5 wonderfully amazing kids... But I would give anything DAILY to be able to hold one of those five kids... Momma loves you little Eric...

So - for mothers day, I want to share with you a sampling of my children's own words...

4AM Sunday morning: Levi rolls over because he had strategically placed himself (and Vivian) in my bed during the night, "ohhhh, Mom! Happy mothers day, I have to poop bad!". I love my random Levi in the mornings! The next two hours were spent giggling and snuggling in front of the tv until his tummy settled...

10 AM on the way to pick Megan up from her friend Megan's house: Vivian was a little upset that Daddy hadn't let her go with him to pick out the flowers for the front porch. I convinced her that it was okay, that the flowers she drew on my card meant more than anything!

Card my nephew Junior sent me for Mothers Day... Thanks Junior!!!

My Megan - (what is it with the girls??) She was upset also, that she had asked Eric to take her to the store to get me something and he didn't want to go to the store again. So - I reminded her about what items I squirrel away in my bottom drawer... The one's that they MAKE for me. The one's made from heir love...

My Matt... He's working now. He's happy to be working,but it means I see him less now. He calls me on his way to work "sorry mom, I just realized that I hadn't said Happy Mothers Day yet." That's okay... to hear those from my almost 20-year-old son is enough. Doesn't matter if they're said at 4AM or 2PM...








My husband - I am proud to have the privilege of being the mother to three of his children. Like I have said, my kids are amazing. Eric isn't the gift type, hasn't been for the last 7 years. I guess the way he looks at it I'm not HIS mother, so Mothers Day is just another day... But no matter - I am the luckiest lady alive to have these great kids.

My mom, my sister, my sister in law and my friends wished me a Happy Mothers Day, and thank you all - I did enjoy Mothers Day - But next year I think I will enjoy it out of town with my kids. Some time away would be so nice!!!


And as always - Missing you Little Eric -one day you will be in my arms again and not just in my heart. Thank you for letting me be your Mommy!!
Erika
© erikalandon 2010

Night Terrors... ongoing...

Levi has night terrors. Not nightmares, but these terrors. They suck. I'm sure they suck for him as much as they do for me, but the *good* thing about them is he has virtually no memory of them if I can calm him without waking him. It's so hard to stand next to my child that is screaming that he needs you and that he can't do this while trying to comfort him and tell him that I'm there when he is not awake and can't understand that I am there.

But Levi has come a long way. When he was little (infant to toddler) he woke alot at night, also had Night Terrors then, but was small, easy to carry and I had ways to calm him. As he's grown some of the methods have contiued to work, some have not. And my need for sleep has also prohibited some of these methods that I was able to employ when I wasn't working 60+ hours a week.

The thing that has stayed the same throughout is Levi's sweet demeanor when he is not in the middle of a terror. He is so loving, so caring. I never get tired of his impromptu "mommy, I love you" or even hearing him tell his brother or sisters the same thing.

The night terrors are believed to be yet another symptom of his central nervous system disorder, another part of his Sensory Processing Disorder, but thankfully it is something he doesn't remember the next morning. He awakens thinking he had a good night. If he is woken during them, he asks me the next day why he is different and can he just have a new body. That's heartbreaking. As long as I am able to keep his terrors from waking Daddy, they usually resolve quickly. But yes, I do look forward to a day when I am able to go to bed in the evening and not awaken until 2:30 or 3:00 am when it is time to get up for work! But, the coolest part of Levi's active sleeping is that between 3 and 3:30 each morning it's not uncommon to hear him giggle and talk in his sleep... the times he has remembered he has told me that he was playing with Little Eric!

There's even more information about SPD on Lucas' Journey with SPD; follow them on their Easter Weekend Blog Hop here:






She's got some really cute Easter ideas and Giveaways on her blog! Remember to leave her a comment telling her where you got the link, and comment here, too, so I can follow back!!

Happy Easter Weekend!!

Good Friday: 4 years from the day Vivian's Trach was closed!!!


Erika
© erikalandon 2010

An Exciting week!!

I'm not really sure where to begin...First of all - sorry for the MIA status... When my world gets crazy, the first thing to slip is "mom" time, which is my computer time. But - to begin the events of last week (in pictures, no less!)

We have three new members to our house,

I got the Zigo, and I fell down the stairs to end it all!!! I'd post a picture of the huge bruise, but it's in an unpictorial area... :/

First: THE ZIGO!!!

The crew at Bike-n-Hike were GREAT to work with, they had it all put together for us, showed me a few tricks of using and uncoupling the ZIGO, and were so nice to Levi and Vivian as they perused the store in Downtown Portland looking at bikes they coveted! I had them pose for a couple pics:

We got the Zigo a day before the snow hit our area, but yes, we really did ride for a bit in the snow... We were able to go for a longer ride to do a little shopping, but generally to check out the new Zigo. I have to say I LOVE IT!! The kids, although at the top-end of size for usage, fit well. That's saying something, since this year Levi's heaight became a hinderance when in the traditional bike trailer, his head hit the top and he was uncomfortable. It is a little narrower (I was happily surprised to find that the Zigo fit width-wise through the front door of Bike-n-Hike which I a somewhat narrow door in an older building)but even being narrower than the other trailer, Levi and Vivian sat happily in it for about 10 miles.

Why do I like it??
I love the fact that it has a "moonroof" so I can see the kids from above as I ride.
We ride in mostly suburban areas, and that means smaller riding lanes with traffic close - the Zigo maneuvers well and I don't worry about getting a little off course and having the trailer swing into the roadway since I can see it all right in front of me.
I love the shifting mechanism, smooth as silk!
The ride is smooth and comfortable. I was a little worried with the small tires, but after getting on it and riding it, I'm hooked!

And... It's a real head turner. Not sure if it was the bike or the fact that we were out in 34degree weather, but I do think it was the bike!

I'll tell you about the kittens and the bruise later...







Erika
© erikalandon 2010

Walking to school...

A week ago I asked my boss for 3 days off this week and had asked Eric to spend a couple nights at the beach: just the two-of-us. Buuuuut, he thought it was a better idea for me to spend the time helping Matt look for a job, so I am using this time to help Matt on job search as well as get him going on GED prep...

The silver lining in this cloud is that I get to spend some much needed Mommy time with the little one's and also get some housecleaning done.

I miss out on being able to kiss them bye at the bus stop and be there when they get off the afternoon bus and get the happy-screaming hugs that they offer at that time. I am thankfull that I have a job, and I DO enjoy my job, but I miss these times with the kids. They're growing up so fast!!

Today Levi wanted to walk to school. His first time ever. And, true to form, Vivian wanted to do the opposite: ride the bus. So I kissed her at the bus stop, left her with Daddy and headed off to walk with Levi. It's cold. Like 28 degrees outside. (please let my newly budding plants live through this)But my little dude and I walked to school. His hand even got cold enough that he gave in and held my hand in my warm pocket for a few minutes :) We met his friend Gunner outside his house and the boys walked (well ran) towards the school yard...

I watched as they (a LOT of loud kids) waited outside the doors to their wing until time to go into their classrooms. I got to see how Levi deals with the noise attacking his sensory being. He did well, I can see the coping mechanisms that are not-so-obvious to any other bystander; unless, that is, they are also raising a sensory kid, I guess. He did great. He has made some great friends this year with boys in their grade, and even asked this morning if he could play at Gunner's house after school. The bell rang, Levi was chosen to help hold the doors open and they filed in the hallway. I knew I shouldn't leave until Vivian arrived on her bus, or she'd never let me hear the end of it...

So I waited.

and waited...

and waaaaaaaited...

Bus 250 apparently had a malfunction. It arrived after the last bell. Off the bus bounces my Vivian. Happy as ever to see me, as if she hadn't seen me just a short time before when I walked away from the bus stop. I got my Vivian hug, and off she trotted towards the land of first graders, my utterly independant girl (when she wants to be).

I'm enjoying my extra time with the kids this week, happy to insert into "their world" a little more than I am able to on a weekly basis.

Only thing that could have made the walk to school this morning better would have been for me to be walking all my little one's to school, trying to hold three hands... Strange how the smallest of things trigger the longing for Little Eric once again.

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Eric Scott Landon Jr. Our Angel in Heaven; On Your Angel Day

To my angel, on your Angel Day:

I love you and miss you. I wish your time with us here on earth had not been cut so short, and I cherish every moment we were able to spend with you.

We love you, Little Eric.

© erikalandon 2010

Flu shots again...

Today after work will be time for flu shots for Megan and the little ones. I have to admit that I almost forgot this year. They have grown to be so healthy that working hard at keeping them healthy has become second nature. Almost forgot: hence the appointment today. Vivian is upset with me, she asks me to not tell her of the upcoming shots, while Levi tells me it is going to tickle. Yep, tickle, that's what he said last time he had his blood drawn to check for allergies; that the needle tickles. Even when he had the shots to repair the cavity he had we found him giggling mid-shot. Seeker. That's what his therapist had told us about him. That he's a seeker, he seeks out sensory input, but I never imagined that this meant he would laugh during imunizations or blood raws or other shots...

So I am heading to the pediatrician this afternoon to watch Megan wince, Levi giggle and Vivian scream her little heart out to help keep them healthy this winter. No matter what, that's way better than watching them in a hospital bed struggling to breath if they get sick and have had no flu shot.

Wincing, Giggles, Tears. No matter what, it's all over in a second, and well worth it! (Atleast the days are over of holding a silently screaming trach baby girl and a loudly screaming baby boy for 20 minutes in the doctors office long enough to calm them back into the stroller so we can head home. I *wish* they were still tha little, but am also glad that we've gotten past certain hurdles!)

Erika
© erikalandon 2010

Reflections...

This time of year always sucks.  I usually end up sick, and I'm sure it's stress-related. The time around the kids' birthday and leading up to Eric's passing usually hits me this way. This year I add to that my upcoming hysterectomy and subsequent recovery/time off of work plus other *private* stressors, and i seem to be a wreck. There may be changes coming and that weighs very heavy on my heart.

Life after the loss of a child is odd. Odd... is that the right word? Indescribable. Maybe that's a better descriptor. My son died. That's reality. But I have four other kids that fill my days. I'm blessed that I have them, those born before Eric and those born with him, and my baby-bearing days are over, which is a blessing and a curse at the same time. I'd love to have a dozen more, but it's not in my future, and rightly so. I appreciate my kids and all the good (and bad, LOL) that come with them. I read many Loss mom blogs. Many of these moms are within the beginning stages of their child-bearing years. I don't imagine my pain as less than theirs, but I also don't imagine my pain as the same as theirs. I already have and still get to experience the joys of raising my children, yet there is always a shadow. The shadow is always there, but not always immediately so. It's not that every time I look at Levi I see his identical twin angel. Rather, there are times, when he does something so cute; when he frustrates me; when he and Vivian have an unusually cute day. Those are the times that I long for the completion of their set, their brother. That I wonder what he'd be like, what he'd sound like, in what ways he'd be different from Levi, and what ways life would be different to have all three. Then there are other times. Times when things are quiet and I actually get time for my own thoughts. When those thoughts are able to run wild, and the pain, the longing for my son, the immense feeling that I just want to be able to hold him and tell him into his ear how very important he is to me and how much I love him.

I have never said I have twins. But the other day I omitted the surviving triplet part as it was just a conversation in passing about my 2 7-year-olds. In conversations such as this that is how I normally describe them: my seven-year-olds, or my same aged kids. This could mean many things, but does not HAVE to mean twins, so it works. Oddly, the conversation took a strange turn with one innocent question from a stranger and the explanation of their tripletness was needed. I can't even remember the specifics of it, but I do remember walking away from the conversation thinking "I tried to say just twins, and the universe stopped me in my tracks." In reality, Levi and Vivian are twins. The fraternal part of an identical-fraternal set of triplets. Vivian is a fraternal twin to Levi and a fraternal twin to Eric. Levi is a fraternal twin to Vivian and an identical twin to Eric, and vice-versa.

They are twins, yet they aren't. Odd. Indescribable?

So, in Loss-Mom terms, this month every year sucks. I remember dates. I remember the look on little Eric's face at certain times. I remember diagnosis and when they were made. Names pop into my head, the Clergy at Emanuel, the Clergy that officiated at Eric's funeral, the vision of my older children broken hearted at their brother's funeral, the vision that is forever burned into my head of my husband carrying his son's casket to his resting place. That may be the worst of all, I hurt so bad that my husband had to experience that. That I couldn't carry his children long enough to keep them safe and give birth to healthy kids for him. That one weighs heavy on me. If I could turn back time...


Erika
© erikalandon 2010

October 15th - so many meanings in my world.

Happy Birthday!!!

Happy National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance day?

The day my triplets were born into this world was not supposed to be October 15th 2003. It was supposed to be January 21st 2004.

They were supposed to cry as they came out, not be whisked away to another room so that breathing apparatus' could be put on them, and surfactant administered so their lungs wouldn't stick together preventing breathing. I was supposed to have a picture of me sitting in a chair holding three feeder-growers in my arms as we readied them to go home, not pictures of three single incubators, three nursing stations, and three babies that once out of my womb, would never be a set of three in any single picture. My identical twin sons were supposed to grow up to play tricks on people that couldn't tell them apart. My daughter was supposed to run to me for comfort as her two same-aged brothers terrorized her while she played dollys.

So, I think it is fitting that their birthday, October 15th, is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberence day. Because we never though that a month after they were born that we would say Goodbye to Little Eric. But we did, and I will never forget those last moments I shared with that little baby that I wanted so badly to be healed and to grow up with his siblings,alongside Levi and Vivian and following Matt and Megan.

So tonight, as I look at the playroom all decked out for a birthday party for two 7 year olds, I am sad beyond explanation, but I am also happy beyond all explanation. So happy to be able to celebrate my youngest kids' birth, and to also celebrate my firstborn triplet's short life.

You are my Hero, Eric Jr. I love you and miss you so very much.

And to my Levi and Vivian: You are also my heros. You have overcome so much and you are thriving. You are amazing, adn I am so honored to be your mommy!!

And we're gonna have an awesome birthday party Saturday!! They've chosen a Halloween dress up party this year, and it's gonna be a ton of fun!

Erika
© erikalandon 2010

Happy Independance Day!!!

Without getting too much into politics, I would like to say a few things;

I am proud to live in the USA. I am proud and thankful that many of my family members, co-workers and friends have served in the Armed Forces to afford us the ability to live in this free country that we do. And I hope that our current political advisors DO NOT go the way that they seem to be going and cut-off those freedoms from us.

I am thankful that I can choose my children's schools, although, yes, those choices hinder on mine and my husband's economic value. I am ok with that, even with public schooling, every child is able to reach their potential and soar to the highest limits they are capable of with a strong will and determination. To me that is what formed our country, strong will and determination, and that is what I try to instil in my children...

I am thankful, also, that we choose our professions, our homes, our neighborhoods. Our choice, that's what America's all about! Eric and I work hard to support our own kids, and honestly, I resent the government coming in to tell me that our money should go to support others who do not.

So, as everyone celebrates with fireworks, BBQ's and friends tonight, remember, we are celebrating freedom, and everything that comes with it, and when it's time to vote again, let's all stand up and vote for those whom stand WITH us, not against us!

Levi and Vivian and I attended the Ridgefield 4th of July Celebration yesterday, and I am so glad we did, the kids had a blast, we saw some of our friends that we haven't seen in a while, and it was a great day. I can't help but remember one thing more clearly than others, though. Just before the parade began, the National Anthem was sung. The vocalist did a beautiful job, but what struck me most was how everyone had the respect to stop whatever they were doing and turn with their hands over their hearts, adults and children alike. Even my Levi and Vivian, although there were a few questions from Vivian, Levi was steadfast on doing what he should in his own form of respect! 

Enough "Politics"... See the pic above? This is my saving grace in my journey of raising surviving triplets... Who would guess that these two are the same age? The size difference is what saved me from hearing "Oh!! Are they twins?!" everyday. People think they are a couple years apart most times. The size difference, and their age in general. Yesterday at the Ridgefield Parade:

The kids had a great time at the parade, chased a lot of candy, and stole a chair from Jeff's mom. (Yes, it was offered to them, and were glad to have it!) So, anyways, during the parade they were mindful to offer candy to the girl next to them, and at one point Vivian shared her beads with the woman that had been beside them for the whole showing. She was thankful, and afterwards I noticed she spent a couplke minutes talking with the kids... After talking to them, she stepped back to where I was behind them, and asked me... "Your kids are adorable, but are they twins?" I said "No, they are actually triplets, their brother passed away during infancy." I try to not give too many details. She says to me" Oh! Now I  understand, I had asked them if they were twins, and your son said they were triplets and their brother died!" Levi is very honest and to-the-point! LOL!

A picture that Levi enjoyed from yesterday's parade, and then I am off to BBQ for tonight... Grampa, Levi wants you to know that there is a club here in our area that enjoys restoring jeeps like yours...and apparently not all of them are fully restored yet, as evident in the tow-line, LOL!

Have a Happy and Safe Fourth of July Everyone!!

© erikalandon2010

Multiples and More question of the week:

How do you encourage your multiples to develop and maintain their own individual identities?


Do you plan to, or already separate them in school? We rallied together to convince the Principle and Teachers at Levi and Vivian's school to put them in the same kinder class. This was for many reasons... one of those being that we KNOW our kids. Vivian is very independant, Levi was not so much. He would still ask after her if she wasn't right next to him throughout the day. Another reason being the studies that have been done regarding twinless twins. The important part of these studies pertaining to school told us that twinless twins have a greater chance of severe separation anxiety during transition times, like starting school. We are in a somewhat unique position in that Levi, although a twinless identical twin, has a fraternal triplet sister, so we were able to lessen his chances of separation anxiety by keeping them together in their first year of school. Next year they will be in their own class, and oddly enough, Vivian is the only one that has voiced concern with being in a different class than her sibling...
Do you encourage your kids to pursue separate interests, or try to keep them in the same activities? Levi and Vivian chose their activities, or at least take part in choosing them. We just got done with Levi's soccer season, Vivian plans on pursuing more gymnastics classes and girl scouts, Levi will continue with soccer and sounds like boy scouts, too.
What are your feelings on dressing multiples alike? I loooove dressing Levi and Vivian alike, or in the least, coordinating them. Soon they will outgrow even tolorating this... If Eric had lived, you betcha they'd always be dressed alike, for as long as they would let me. (in fact, I have this thought in my head that I'd love to get them identical jeeps for their 16th birthday; one dark pink and one dark blue.)

Levi and Vivian are absolutely individual, not only because of gender differences, but down to the core, although they play well together with friends. I see no reason to push individuality, I believe they are forming their own separate identities just fine on their own...


© erikalandon2010

Things we talk about during the ride home from Preschool...

We're half-way home from Preschool last night; Vivian pipes up from her carseat just behind me...
"momma, how big were we when we were born" (she means "long".)

"About 14 inches, baby" and I hold up my hands to show her how big that is...

"how big was baby Eric, momma?"

"about 12 inches, baby" again I hold up my hands.
Levi joins in: "Eric died and Vivian died a little bit, but I didn't die at all!"

"yeah, baby, You're right." ...

(before they knew what was wrong with Vivian's vocal chords, they pulled her Vent tube, and because of the constriction in her airway her heart stopped for 3-5 minutes. The docs told us they didn't know how damaged her brain was from that episode.)

Vivian says "how big was Eric's box?" again I hold up my hands and explain that it was his casket. "was his head in there, momma?" "of course", I say, "his whole body was, with a blanket and pillow, and a special necklace, a teddy bear and a porcelain heart."

Levi: "I miss my brother. I don't remember ever seeing him."

"I know, baby, I wish he were still here with us."


Levi: "When is my brother gonna be alive again, momma?"

"Honey, he's in heaven, he's not gonna be alive ever again. You'll see him when it's your time to go to heaven."

Levi: "How will I know him, momma?"

"Because, baby, he looks just like you. It will be like looking in a mirror. You two were identical twins"

Levi: "I know, momma, we shared an egg!"

Vivian: "What does his hair look like?"

Levi, excited now: "I know what his hair looks like, there's some in his box in your room, I remember it!!"

These conversations are hard for me. I fight back tears and hold my voice steady. They have real questions, real thoughts, and I need to answer them from their point of view, in their world. These query's from them come at unexpected times, like when we're driving, or sitting together, and even during playtime. As hard as it is, it's also heartwarming; they know their brother, they understand what they can as they grow, and it's good for them to know. It's our reality.

But I wish it weren't...

© erikalandon2010