October 15th - so many meanings in my world.

Happy Birthday!!!
Happy National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance day?

The day my triplets were born into this world was not supposed to be October 15th 2003. It was supposed to be January 21st 2004.

They were supposed to cry as they came out, not be whisked away to another room so that breathing apparatus' could be put on them, and surfactant administered so their lungs wouldn't stick together preventing breathing. I was supposed to have a picture of me sitting in a chair holding three feeder-growers in my arms as we readied them to go home, not pictures of three single incubators, three nursing stations, and three babies that once out of my womb, would never be a set of three in any single picture. My identical twin sons were supposed to grow up to play tricks on people that couldn't tell them apart. My daughter was supposed to run to me for comfort as her two same-aged brothers terrorized her while she played dollys.

So, I think it is fitting that their birthday, October 15th, is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberence day. Because we never though that a month after they were born that we would say Goodbye to Little Eric. But we did, and I will never forget those last moments I shared with that little baby that I wanted so badly to be healed and to grow up with his siblings,alongside Levi and Vivian and following Matt and Megan.

So tonight, as I look at the playroom all decked out for a birthday party for two 7 year olds, I am sad beyond explanation, but I am also happy beyond all explanation. So happy to be able to celebrate my youngest kids' birth, and to also celebrate my firstborn triplet's short life.

You are my Hero, Eric Jr. I love you and miss you so very much.

And to my Levi and Vivian: You are also my heros. You have overcome so much and you are thriving. You are amazing, adn I am so honored to be your mommy!!

And we're gonna have an awesome birthday party Saturday!! They've chosen a Halloween dress up party this year, and it's gonna be a ton of fun!

© erikalandon 2010


Anonymous said...

It was a wonderful Birthday Party you and Eric gave for Viv & Levi.Had so much fun at Build-A-Bear friday night and the Birthday Party on Saturday...couldn't believe 24 kids came...of course we came later...everyone was adorable all decked out in Halloween Costumes,the Birthday Cakes were amazing...can't wait for you to post the pictures of the Party for all to see... Grammie Charlene

Anonymous said...

Wish I could have been there for the whole thing.... I basically missed out on it all! :( Darn work! Love you guys!!

Auntie Trina